R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I want to walk on stilts...naked
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
