I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
