i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Randomize
