I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
