Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My ass is underappreciated
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
