I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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