And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
