I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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