covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
