ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
