trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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