Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I AM VODKA MAN
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
