i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I need water and some morals
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
