Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
