I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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