Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
