my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
