Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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