Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
