I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
