Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I just threw up on my dentist
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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