So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He felt like a one man threesome
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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