Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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