last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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