i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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