Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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