I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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