I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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