Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
