I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
