Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i barfeds in our rink
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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