It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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