Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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