guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
