I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
