just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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