Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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