Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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