I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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