i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize