If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
