In the future we'll all be gay
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
