a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
