i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
