I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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