I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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