I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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