I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
