Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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