The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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