Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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