I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
