I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
