oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
