moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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