Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
