I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
