she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
