Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
