i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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