A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
