So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
