So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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