your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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