I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
