Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
