i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize