I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
