I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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