SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
