I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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