its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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