ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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